You make Forrest Gump look like a genius

I swear the world is getting dumber by the minute (and as I typed that, I realised I had two spelling mistakes – d’oh!). Everyone knows the basic stuff, but there are some SERIOUS gaps in people’s general knowledge. I don’t care if you don’t know how to change a tire, but not knowing that Alex’s profession in Flashdance was a welder? I’m sorry, in my world you’d be a human sacrifice for the greater good.

You could be the most intelligent person in the world, but if you seriously think that Grease 2 is about Sandy and Danny’s children? GONE. Ditto, if you don’t know who Luke’s father is.

I know it may sound egotistical, but I’m damn smart. Thanks to my parents and my education, I have a pretty good general knowledge base. I like to think that others my age have a similar base, but alas I know that this is often not true. And this is proved over and over again by television quiz shows.

I would like to think that any Australian over the age of five would know that Blinky Bill is a koala – and not have to use all three lifelines to figure that out. I would also like to think that everybody knows that the moon is bigger than an elephant. Sadly, I know that not everyone knows this.

So, in order to start educating society to my level of general knowledge, allow me to list a few facts that I think everyone should know:

• Even though John Wayne’s nickname was The Duke, he was not a member of any Royal family. And yes, his real name is Marion.
• The band AC/DC was named after the electrical currents – not the other way round.
• Michael Jackson is black.
• The capital city of the Australia is Canberra, not Sydney or Melbourne.
• New Zealand is not a state of Australia.
• American Pie is about Buddy Holly’s plane crash. In which he died, hence “the day the music died”.
• Bart Simpson is voiced by a woman.
• In no Star Trek episode or movie, does anyone use the phrase “Beam me up, Scotty”.
• Anakin is Darth Vadar.
• The sinking of the Titanic really happened. People really died. Jack Dawson did not. He does not exist. Nor does Rose or the Heart of the Ocean.
• The Sound of Music is based around a real family. They did not, however, sing and dance their way away from the Nazis.
• Likewise, World War II was not accurately portrayed in Hogan’s Heroes, nor is M*A*S*H a good indication of the Korean War. However, in saying that, these wars did exist. They were not made up just for television. Neither was Vietnam, World War I or the Boer War.
• The “archive” footage from Forrest Gump is fake. He never met John Lennon or mooned the president. He is a made up character. The footage was doctored. Yes, I know it looks real, but it’s not. It’s fake. Trust me.
• The moonlanding was not fake.
• Elvis really is dead. Marilyn Munroe really is dead. Hitler really is dead. These people are not living under assumed names on a Pacific Island. They are dead. Just because you believe the whole “tunnel under the bunker” myth, does not make it true.

Well, that’s a pretty good start I think. Fifteen points of general knowledge that every person over the age of ten should know. I know I may have shattered a few beliefs with these facts, but I do it for good reason – I like to be able to converse with people at the certain level of intelligence.

If any of these points have caused you to rethink your general knowledge, I’m afraid I’ll just be wasting my time speaking to you. Now run along and watch the monkeys play with rocks – you’ll probably learn something.

~ by lulupop on Monday, May 18, 2009.