Are you my soulmate?
I went to a clairvoyant over the weekend, so I thought I’d share some of my new found knowledge…
I went to the same clairvoyant last year, so I can compare everything she said was going to happen with what did actually happen. (yeah, clairvoyant sounds so much better an psychic, don’t you think?)
Where to start? First of all, you’ll be pleased to know that Monty, my guardian angel, has been replaced. He was always getting me into trouble anyway – kind of like Drop Dead Fred, so I don’t think Mum will miss him too much. However, taking his place is my great-grandmother. And she’s brought along a side-kick – Bob the Builder. No idea who he is, but hi, welcome to my life and I hope you enjoy the ride. I’d also like to apologise for anything you’ve seen. I’m not sure how long you’ve been hanging around, but sorry for all that stuff. Won’t happen again.
Also, since last April (2007), I’ve met (or will so meet) my soulmate. So, if I’ve made your acquaintance since April 2007 and you like the water - how you doin’? *wink wink nudge nudge*
Or, if I haven’t met you yet…hurry the heck up, will you? I’ve got a deadline to meet and a few kids to pop out before I’m thirty. I know I should be happy that you’ve actually appeared in the cards now, since eighteen months ago, we couldn’t find you, even after going through three packs of Tarot cards, but seriously…get a move on.
I also need to start working on that deposit for my castle, since apparently you won’t have one, but you’ll cook for me and love me forever and ever and always. (But if I don’t have that castle by our 5th anniversary, you’re gone)
And now for some finger pointing…(I took a couple of photos of people who shall remain nameless)
You…will get married and have a bunch of kids and be happy.
Other you…something major will happen in the next six months with your love life.
Other other you…I’m getting you a puppy for Christmas. She said to.
Let’s see…What else was there? Oh yeah, hands up who got a bundle on the way? I know it’s one of you and I already know what it’s going to be, so ‘fess up.
Also, despite the fact that I am apparently a natural teacher and you see me surrounded by children, just ain’t gonna happen. Perhaps all those kids are part of the basketball team I’m apparently having?
And no, even though you can see me in a uniform, I’m not thinking of becoming a cop. Perhaps it’s just the kinky handcuffs that you can see?
That’s all I’m going to reveal for the moment. I’ve got a few secrets hidden away that I’ll let you in on, when they happen (and they better happen).
Until then…may the mystic forces of the universe make use of the spiritual goodness of the delta quadrant of your heart and give me a ring.
Live long and prosper and take care of yourself and each other.
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