Why boys are stoopid

After a couple (okay many) weekends out partying and meeting people, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some guys that just need a little bit of help deciphering the various signals that girls give out. So, here’s the list of what guys really need to know. (Please note: some of these rules may not necessarily apply to all girls, but the girls they don’t, you probably shouldn’t go there anyway)

1. Just because you buy us a drink does not meant that we will go home with you, or to the riverbank, or to the dark alley around the back of the club. The more drinks you buy, the more disappointed you will be when we ultimately reject you, even though we’ve given absolutely no sigh of wanting you in the first place.

2. “I’m horny as hell” is not an acceptable greeting.

3. Girls holding hands does not mean they are lesbians.

4. If girls say they’re not interested because they’re gay, what they really mean is they’re not interested in you, and if you were the last man on Earth, they would become a lesbian.

5. Just because most girls fall at your feet, does not mean they all will. Most of the older clubbers (21+) are a little more choosy about who they talk to. It’s not because they’re bitches, it’s because they’re not actually interested in you.

6. Just because you’ve bought us drinks all night, does not mean that you be sharing a taxi home. If you try to share a taxi home, you will be horribly and thoroughly rejected in front of the taxi driver and anyone else who happens to be there.

7. If our friends interrupt our conversation more than twice, they are obviously picking up the “help me” signal that was prearranged before the night even began.

8. Bambi and Candy are fake names. If a girl tells you her name is Bambi, and then giggles, she’s lying and isn’t interested. Move on.

9. If we decide to give you our number, trust that it is the right one. Don’t call it five minutes later to make sure. Also, if it is a fake number, don’t go back to her and tell her she gave you the wrong number. Believe me, it wasn’t a mistake.

10. Blondes are not easier to get with than brunettes. Chances are that the blonde already has a boyfriend who is better looking than you anyway.

There you have it – my 10 Commandments for guys. Please make note of these the next time you decide to go out on the town – they may not save your life, but they’ll save your dignity.

~ by lulupop on Monday, December 3, 2007.